Hey girl, so you have a boyfriend and you've been wondering if he really loves you or you're just there to warm his bed? Here are 11 ways to find out.
1. He only texts you after 9PM
After 9 PM, that's when he's in the mood and wants to try and arrange a hook up with you. Does he call you during the day to ask how you're doing or he calls just at night in a flirty tone just to talk dirty. That's one of the signs girl.
2. He gets frustrated when you invite him over to watch a movie and actually just want to watch a movie.
Most guys would be like, "Alright, cool. If I can't have sex, I guess actually getting to watch the entirety of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire is a pretty good consolation prize." But when you swat away his thigh-climbing hand he's suddenly tired and has to go home.
3. You never meet his friends.
The less information you have about him, the easier it is for him to ghost you. If you don't know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can disappear like a phantom into the night. A phantom who banged you a bunch of times and then stopped answering texts, which would make for a shittier Broadway play than the kind of phantom that hangs out in operas. But a phantom nonetheless.
4. He always hands you everything before you leave. Did you forget your bra? Some lipstick? Your purse? A single bobby pin? If you never forget anything there, you can never have an excuse to show up when he doesn't want you to. If you tried to show up unsolicited anyway, you'd probably find the place abandoned and boarded up, and some neighbor would tell you, "Why, that place has been abandoned for years!" like some episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark.
5. You've never been on a real date. Dates are for men who consider themselves boyfriends, not men who consider themselves fuck buddies.
6. He's "busy" whenever you text him about something personal or emotional. Who has time to pause his game of Madden to talk to you about things like how you feel? If your text about your grandma passing away isn't attached to a sexy picture, he won't even bother opening it. Guys who just want you for sex aren't going to spend time playing the boyfriend.
7. He always tries to initiate sex when you hang out. An easy way to tell the difference between guys who like having sex with you a lot and guys who only like having sex with you is this: Think back to a time when the two of you were together but weren't having sex for more than an hour. If you can't do that, he only wants you for sex.
8. Every conversation turns flirty/sexual.
Every time you talk or text, it immediately turns into a conversation about having sex. He's stopped even trying to be witty about it. "Oh, you're at the grocery store right now? I sure would like to have sex with you … at the grocery store ;-)"
9. He texts you to meet up with a group, but wants to go back to your place/his place as soon as you get there. You might think you're about to meet all of his friends at some bar, but when you get there, he's already waiting outside with his coat and some condoms.
10. He only compliments your looks.
He loves your ass but not your sense of humor. You always look "hot" but never "gorgeous." If his compliments are superficial at best and gross at worst, he's Just Not That Into You Starring Justin Long and Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck and That Chick From Once Upon a Time.
11. When he comes over, he heads straight for the bedroom. There's no loitering in the kitchen or hanging out in the living room with this guy. He has streamlined the process of sex-having by eliminating or minimizing the chitchat or talk about your day. He's like the Philip Glass of booty calls (that was a joke about the minimalist art movement that someone's dad will probably find funny).
Do your friends a favour and share this article after reading. You may be saving a life.
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